2 july/24 (i’m defective edition)

posted on July 2, 2024

dude, imagine if we had more control over the way we sleep. imagine being able to instantly fall asleep and/or precisely sleep 6, 7, or 8 hours. that shit would BE WICKED!

but, i guess if we had that privilege, we’d take it for granted and not even appreciate it that much. and, since everyone would have it, it wouldn’t really be… valuable to have a healthy sleep schedule. meh.

but fuck, imagine also having more control about anxiety and/or fight-or-flight responses… that’s be SO USEFUL in modern society where a lot of anxiety inducing events can be rationalized and managed trough logic, instead of naturalistic reactions.

i suffer from intrusive thoughts. as far as I remember, they started around early adolescence. and I’m pretty sure I’ll die with them. during the day they’re (mostly) manageable, but at night it’s.. fucked up. I mostly entertain myself by staring at a screen from the second I wake up to about the time I manage to fall asleep. of course, you cannot fall asleep normally while staring at a screen. so, I usually listen to podcasts or people babble on about whatever to take my mind off. but, sometimes not even that works.

brain goes chug chug chug, repeat at nauseaum. and you can’t sleep.

its like if the brain never stops thinking about fucked up shit. since I assumed it to be an unfixable charactetistic of mine, I usually try to not even think about it. which during some periods helps. I’ve grown accostumed to that. but it still sucks since it affects deeply every facet of my life.

i can’t sleep sometimes. not sleep well, I can’t sleep at all. that’s terrible if you have appointments or responsibilities the next morning. and just those existing adds even more anxiety, which creates a destructive feedback loop.

yeah, I hate this fucking retarded brain. if it worked along with me instead of against, I’d be in a MUCH better place.

anon 2024-07-02 (5:05 pm) No. 123143 reply

legit fax bro i fw that shit
anon 2024-07-03 (12:01 pm) No. 123144 reply

you are a mere mortal machine, imperfect mass of flesh and bones!