bad conditioning

posted on October 15, 2024

i’m a HUGE overthinker, and the behaviour affects p much every facet of my life.

insofar as my relationship with the outside world, i just cant stop obsessing and planning for the worst about every situation i’m involved in, which is not only extremely anxiety inducing, it can be debilitating if a certain situation doesnt have a clear solution in sight.

concerning the opposite of the outside world (inside world? that’s not a thing…), i can’t stop thinking about how my body feels at random moments. i mean, think about stuff like thinking about how often you blink, or wtf is your tongue doing, or stuff like that. it’s also very anxiety inducing.

i can probably link a few of my personality traits to the above:

i hold grudges pretty much forever, even if they’re biased and i dont approach the situation objectively. if in my mind a person is wrong or evil, i’ll cut them off completely. (which is bad in most situations)
i’m a perfectionist, if i dont feel like something is “good enough” (completely arbitrary), i’ll possibly never spontaneously go forward with it. (which is also bad in a lot of situations)

to be fair, the reason i wanted to write this out was to include a few of the positives.

i can (sometimes) find very unorthodox solutions to problems, just because i can’t stop thinking about them. (lol, it doesnt happen often)
it also helps deal with procrastination since until i feel like i’ve solved a problem, i can’t stop thinking about it.
idk, probably some other shit which i forgot

anyways, im definitely NOT unique and this has to affect a lot of other people. but i wanted to writ eito ut.